Dream State
by GoldenGirl
Summary: Emily and Nolan deal with the ramifications of the events of the Season 3 finale. Aimily. Nemily friendship.
1. Chapter 1

It's very easy to trace a person's cell signal. It's easy for Nolan Ross, at least. And it comes in handy when Emily won't pick up her phone and it's been hours since her father's name has been cleared and he hasn't yet personally celebrated with her. The trace tells him she's at home. Probably already celebrating with Aiden. He should leave them be, call her in the morning.

…. But he can't just sit at home alone on the most important day of their lives.

It's a time to celebrate.

That's what Nolan tells himself as he makes his way to her house. And it'll make a fine apology if he really does barge in on Emily and Aiden celebrating in their own way. But the door's open when he gets there, and he sees them on the couch when he walks in. A sigh of relief to see they're fully dressed and merely embracing each other.

But something is wrong. Emily lifts her head from where it's nestled in the crook of Aiden's neck. She looks at Nolan as he enters the living room and something is definitely wrong because her face is wet and strained. "Nolan?"

Something is definitely wrong and it stops Nolan in his tracks.

"He won't wake up."

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These days, Emily keeps her door closed and locked. Good thing Nolan made himself a key a long time ago.

He doesn't bother to tip toe as he makes his way to the kitchen with two bags full of things. Actually, he makes more noise than he probably needs to. She should be up by now anyway.

He empties out the grocery bags first and then goes through her refrigerator, emptying that out of things that have gone bad without even being touched.

"You don't have to do that."

He spins at her voice, spotting her on the landing of her stairs. She comes down, wrapping her robe around herself, hugging it to herself. She wears an oversized black t-shirt beneath it that he knows doesn't belong to her. She wears it all the time.

"Yes, I do," Nolan says. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine." But she won't let him change the subject. "You think I won't eat unless you buy my groceries yourself?"

That's exactly what he thinks. "It seems it doesn't matter whether or not I buy your food." He turns from the refrigerator holding up a bottle of milk, unopened. When he shakes it the curdled contents swill like yogurt. "_Ems_. Come on."

She bypasses him, ignoring the spoiled milk display, and goes straight for one of the cabinets, retrieving a coffee can. She starts to get the pot ready but Nolan takes the coffee and dumps it into the trash.

"_Nolan_."

"You know you shouldn't be having coffee."

He goes to the island in the middle of the kitchen where he left a big clear cup full of green juice which doesn't even look appetizing to him but he puts on a smile anyway to really sell the thing. "Picked this up for you on my way here. You've gotta start taking better care of yourself, Ems. Which reminds me."

From one of the bags on the island he takes out a small vitamin bottle and holds it out for her to take.

She obliges. "Folic acid?" she asks with a cocked eyebrow. Her expression is all cynical but at least it's better than _blank_, which is what she's been giving him for the last few months. Well, a combination of blank and angry. Cynical is a step up. He'll take it.

"You're supposed to be taking that," he says. "I've been reading up on it."

She studies the bottle in her hand and he wishes he knew what she was thinking. He can't be the only one that cares about this.

Nolan knows that she'll smile again. Maybe it'll take a while. Maybe they just have to stick it out for another five months. Because he's sure that in five months time she'll smile. When she's holding her baby in her arms she has to smile. Right?

Emily closes her eyes and sighs and Nolan isn't even sure why he's holding his breath. All he knows is that if she falls apart again he'll be there to catch her.

"Thank you," she says.

He breathes, nods. He wouldn't be anywhere else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback. It's nice to know other aimily fans are feeling the same way I am after that finale. Hope you like this one.**

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She lies on her side and his hand snakes along her waist until it finally comes to rest on her belly. His fingers splay over the fabric of her t-shirt and hold her. She sighs deep and places her hand on top of his. In his gruff voice, heavy with sleep, he whispers, "Baby."

Emily turns to meet his face and Aiden's smile sparks something up in her instantly. The room is brighter, everything feels lighter.

"All I've ever wanted I've got right here in this bed," he says. "Just me and my babies."

She smiles. This is all she's ever wanted too.

Emily leans in for a kiss, but her subconscious won't let her get that far. She wakes out of the dream to the dim bedroom and cool sheets. No matter how often she dreams of him it never gets easier when she wakes up. There is no one next to her and the only hand touching her belly is her own. The swell there keeps getting bigger, becoming impossible to ignore.

She pulls her hand away. She squeezes her eyes shut and turns her face to the pillow.

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Eventually the day gets its way and pulls her out of bed. She used to have a purpose, a task at hand or an adversary that needed to be X-ed out, but these days her revenge is pretty much over. She does not want to revisit Victoria, or even the idea of her. Though, Emily knows in her heart that she's not completely finished with her yet. It kills her that Victoria was the last one with Aiden. Emily wants to know what happened. She wants to know exactly how she was able to overpower him. She wants to know what his last words were or if he had any at all.

But that will all have to wait.

Right now it's just about making it through another day. It isn't easy when she has to pass that couch by the fireplace every day. She stops to stare at it, remembering that night, though she can't remember all of it. Her mind has taken care to block some parts out.

Emily remembers Nolan coming to get her but by then she was already in a dream state, everything feeling so surreal. Nolan cried, made the necessary calls, told her everything was going to be okay, but Emily only felt numb. She remembers throwing up and Nolan holding her hair back and telling her she was in shock.

But now she knows it was more than that.

She remembers Aiden's face when she found him.

She can't stare at the couch anymore so she goes to the kitchen and reaches for a coffee can. But it's like she's set off an invincible alarm because Nolan is suddenly at her door. She hastily puts the can back in the cabinet and lets him in.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" he says in lieu of _Hello_.

She cocks her head to the side, asking the question silently.

"You forgot," Nolan says. "We have your appointment today."

She closes her eyes, as if the mere action alone is enough to close off the world. "Can we reschedule? I'm not really feeling up to it."

Nolan grabs her by the hand and starts leading her back up to her room, though. "We're going to this appointment."

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Emily never thought that a place like this would make her so uncomfortable, but she'd rather be anywhere else in the world than in this waiting room. There are a few other women sitting in chairs. Some look a lot more pregnant than Emily, and some aren't showing at all. Emily didn't think she was really showing yet but when she glances down at her stomach she can see where her sweater stretches taut in some places. She pulls at it, trying to hide in her own skin.

"I'm going to get you this," Nolan says. He's sitting beside her, leafing through a baby magazine and he's stopped on a page with a baby in a bouncer. "You know, there are a lot of useful things in here. I'm going to get you everything in this magazine."

Emily glances at it absentmindedly. Her knee bounces.

"Something wrong?" Nolan asks.

"No. Why?"

"You're fidgeting."

She goes still, lets her hands go limp in her lap.

"Are you nervous?" Nolan asks.

She is a lot of things. Nervous is only one of them. She appreciates Nolan being here of course, but if Aiden were here he'd probably squeeze her knee. He'd kiss her temple. He'd be nervous too but so excited.

He'd whisper something to her. Emily tries to imagine what it would be; she sees his lips moving close to her ear, the corner of his mouth tic upward, but she can't hear what he's saying. She realizes she has no idea what Aiden would say in a moment like this, and she'll never get to know. The thought of that makes her stomach twist and the room feel hot and small.

Emily stands up suddenly. "I need some air," she mutters.

She leaves the waiting room but doesn't make it too far down the hall outside before Nolan catches up to her. "Where are you going?"

"I can't do this."

"This isn't something you can just ignore and hope it goes away on its own," Nolan says, grabbing hold of her hand and stopping her. "I miss Aiden too, but this baby is a blessing."

She can't help it, the bitter gasp of a laugh that escapes her lips. "You keep calling it that. A blessing."

"Because it is."

"It's not a _blessing_," Emily snaps. She swats a tear away before it can really fall but she can't hide how angry she is. There isn't any point. "This," she says, looking down at her stomach—she still can't bring herself to say _this baby_—"is all Aiden ever wanted. He wanted us to build a family together and he was ripped away from me before he ever got the chance to do that. All he ever wanted was a future and I'm building it without him. It isn't a blessing. It's _cruel_."

She hates that she's crying, blames it on hormones, but she's also just sad. Emily is so incredibly sad, and it's only made worse because this is a time when she is supposed to be happy. Nolan wraps his arms around her even though she's sure she doesn't deserve it. "It isn't fair," she whispers into his neck.

"I know," he replies.

She doesn't know how long they're standing like that before a nurse opens the door to the waiting room and peaks her head out. "Ms. Thorne?" she says. "We're ready for you."

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She can't really make out the image on the screen, but Emily hears the sound. Loud and rhythmic. Powerful.

"That's the heartbeat," the doctor says.

Nolan squeezes Emily's hand and lets out a shaky breath. "Wow," he says.

Emily stares at the screen and listens to the sound and her own heartbeat speeds up. The sonogram casts a spell on her that she wasn't expecting. She's entranced.

_Wow_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, thank you so much for the comments you've been leaving. Every review means a lot to me, even the ones that are only 1 word long! ;) Hope you enjoy this next chap.**

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In the morning Emily comes down the stairs and goes into the kitchen. She reaches for the coffee can in the cabinet but then stops herself, the memory of her doctor's visit coming to her suddeny. The memory, and the sound of her child's heartbeat.

She throws the coffee can away and instead reaches for the bottle of folic acid Nolan left on her counter.

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There are things around the house she keeps finding without meaning to. Things he'd left lying around to be picked up again. His razor and toothbrush she'd found right away. Other items took more time to show up.

Emily finds his green tank while cleaning under her bed. It instantly brings up the memory of their last morning together, the last time she'd pulled that tank over his head, the last time she'd told him she loved him.

She finds a note partly crumpled in her bureau. She can't read the writing, which is how she knows he's written it. She isn't going to kid herself into thinking it's a love note or anything like that. Probably just some info he had to scrawl quickly. But still, she can't bring herself to throw it away. When she finds something of his she puts it into a box.

She's put everything into the box except for the black t-shirt she wears to bed. She holds it in her hand now. She want to keep wearing it but she knows can't, and not only because it's becoming too tight.

"I've been looking for that shirt."

She turns, shocked to see Aiden in the doorway of her bedroom. "Aiden!" It's more of a gasp than a name the way she says it. "You're here."

"Of course I am," he says. "Where else would I be?"

"I thought you were gone."

He comes over to her and gathers her in his arms and it feels so good. Better than anything Emily's felt in months. "I'd never leave you, Amanda."

She lets herself be held and smiles into his chest. She never wants to let go.

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At first Nolan was worried. He woke up at 2 in the morning to his phone ringing and Emily's name on the caller ID. He forgot about sleep instantly and sat bolt up. "What's wrong?" he'd answered.

Now, standing in front of Emily's door, he's not so much worried but kind of weirdly giddy. For the first time in a long time Emily is the one to call _him _instead of the other way around.

It isn't an emergency, she'd assured him, just a middle-of-the-night craving, but emergency or not Nolan is at the ready. And when Emily opens the door he raises the plastic bag in his hand and smiles. "I come bearing gifts."

It's not a smile on her face—not exactly, not yet—bit it's really close and it makes Nolan's heart soar. He knew that trip to the doctor last month would be the thing to turn things around. So Emily almost smiles and takes the bag and peeks inside. "You found it?"

"It took three trips but I finally found an all-night drug store. Luckily they had the flavor you requested."

"Thank you, Nolan."

He shrugs, faux-modest-like. "Anytime."

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Emily sits at the head of the bed eating from one bowl while Nolan sits at the foot of the bed, eating from another. Pistachio ice cream isn't really his thing but he'll eat a gallon of it if it means getting Emily to open up again. Glimpsing her like this is a rare thing. No makeup, hair up in a messy bun, worn t-shirt and sweat pants. Aiden probably got to see her like this all the time but Nolan rarely did. "Pregnancy looks good on you, Ems."

She rolls her eyes, just as he'd expected her to, but he had to say it. "I mean it. You make it work."

"I'm huge."

"Well that's an overstatement if I ever heard one."

At six months pregnant, Emily is the most beautiful Nolan has ever seen her.

"If you want we can go shopping for clothes. At a time like this, acquiring an entirely new wardrobe is not only acceptable, but expected. Maybe we can start with… new PJs?"

Emily looks down at her black tee. Nolan knows she doesn't own any mens-size shirts. He knows who it belonged to.

"I'm not getting rid of his shirt."

"I'm not proposing you do. But pretty soon you won't be comfortable sleeping in that anymore." It isn't completely stretched out yet, but soon it will be too small for her.

"I need it to sleep," Emily says.

Nolan scrunches an eyebrow. "Are you having trouble sleeping?"

Emily peers into her ice cream bowl, her shoulders sagging slightly. "I've been having these dreams."

"What kind of dreams?"

"Where Aiden isn't gone and… I feel so relieved," she says in her whispered voice. "And then I wake up."

Nolan sets his bowl down in between his crossed legs. The excitement of a quasi slumber party with his best friend gets pushed aside for a much more sobering feeling.

"It's okay," Emily says. "I'm not really surprised. The same thing happened after my dad was taken away. I kept dreaming that he was back and everything was normal again."

Nolan knows he's doing all he can for Emily but sometimes he doesn't think it's enough. He knows that she's the strongest person he's ever known and that she doesn't need anyone to save her and that she can take care of herself. But he also knows that there isn't a person alive who doesn't want to feel taken care of sometimes. That was part of the role that Aiden filled in her life. He was her protector when no one else could be. He was there when Emily needed a strong pair of arms to fall into. Nolan didn't fully grasp that until Aiden was gone.

"The dreams will go away eventually," Emily says, "After enough time has passed."

Nolan nods.

"The thing is, I don't know if I want them to." She's smiling—something Nolan has been waiting to see for months—but it's a sad smile; the kind of timid, closed-lip thing that twists your heartstrings and makes you want to offer a hug. It didn't count. "I know that's pretty pathetic."

"No . Of course it isn't." Nolan says. "Maybe Aiden really is coming to you in your dreams. Maybe he's trying to tell you that he's still with you."

Emily's gaze finds her ice cream bowl again, and her smile is sad again, and all Nolan wants to do is protect her in the way that he knows she deserves to be.

"Yeah, maybe," she says.


	4. Chapter 4

**You guys, thanks so much for the comments! They've been so positive and encouraging and have really made me want to keep on writing. This chapter sort of opens up Emily and Nolan's worlds a little bit. I don't know if it'll be everyone's cup of tea so let me know what you think.**

**For the guest who asked for an AU fic where Aiden isn't dead, you may want to check out some of my other stories. They were once Future Fics but would now be considered AU, sadly. **

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter.**

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Nolan tells himself he's here for Emily's sake, and he is, but he's also here for very selfish reasons. He has vowed to protect his best friend. His family. And while protecting Emily and basking in Victoria's misery are not synonymous, it's a start.

He walks into Victoria's room with a basket of blueberry muffins hanging from the crook of his elbow and a grin on his face. She truly is a sight to behold. Her red raw wrists are strapped to the bed, her skin is a sallow, rotting thing, and her hair is matted and stringy. "Victoria Grayson," Nolan says in a deep satisfying sigh. "You've never looked better."

"What the hell are you doing here?" the fallen queen says.

Nolan takes a seat beside her bed and holds up the basket. "Just wanted to drop these off. Though, knowing you, you're probably paranoid they're poisoned or something. Smart."

"Get out."

"Come on, Victoria, you should be happy to see me. I know you don't get too many visitors what with Charlotte being the only one in your family with some sense and fleeing to Europe and Daniel… where is Danny Boy these days? Oh right. Locked up awaiting trial for murdering a prostitute. You must be so proud."

Victoria may be a dimmer version of her former self but she's still got veins filled with venom. She shoots Nolan an icy glare but he won't look away. Victoria didn't only take Aiden, she also took Emily. The Emily he used to know. He's hopeful she'll come back to him, and he's finally starting to see the changes in her, but Nolan still blames Victoria for taking away two of his friends. And that's not a crime that can go unpunished.

"It's a good thing Daniel's in jail," he says. "If he was out I would kill him myself."

Victoria laughs bitterly. "Still fighting Emily Thorne's battles for her. You're pathetic."

"Says the woman in an insane asylum. Hm."

"So you've come to gloat, is that it?"

Nolan leans in close so he can be sure that Victoria understands him. "I've come to let you know that you haven't broken Emily's spirit. Actually, in a twisted sort of way, you're responsible for her renewed sense of purpose."

Nolan knows that if Victoria had never lied to Emily about her not being able to conceive she and Aiden would've been more careful. So while Victoria may have taken Aiden away from Emily, in a cruel twist of fate, she was also the one to give Emily her biggest gift.

Though, he won't tell Victoria just what he's talking about. It's too risky. Emily would probably kill him if she knew he was even there right now. But Nolan had to come. He had to see Victoria suffer for the things she'd done.

But Victoria begins to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Just something you said earlier about me not having any visitors. You're wrong about that, Mr. Ross."

"Who would come see you?"

"You can tell your friend Amanda that her father stopped by."

Nolan sits back slowly. Maybe all this time in a mental hospital really has made Victoria crazy. Or maybe she's just being her usual vicious self. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you know?" she says. "David Clarke is alive. He probably chose to reveal himself here because he knew no one would believe me if I said I saw David Clarke in the flesh. We had a nice chat."

Nolan stands. This visit is turning into something he did not sign up for. "You really are crazy."

Her lips curl into a smile. "Tell that little bitch I say hello."

Nolan spits in Victoria's face and she gasps.

"You might want to call someone to wipe that off for you."

He leaves the room but he doesn't feel the triumphant rush he thought he'd feel. What Nolan feels is unsettled.

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"Earth to Nolan?"

Nolan's gaze refocuses, his eyes going from staring at nothing, to staring at the two shirts Emily is holding up for him to appraise. He's being a good friend by spending the morning on a shopping trip with Emily for some desperately needed maternity clothes, but he's being a bad friend by zoning out for most of it. He can't help it. His mind is somewhere else. It's still with Victoria.

"Do you even have to ask?" he says. "The red one, obviously."

"Are you sure?" Emily says. "Isn't red kind of flashy?"

"That's never stopped you before."

"I've never been as big as a house before."

"Ems, you're being way too hard on yourself. As big as a shed, _maybe_." He smirks at her as is fingers skim along the delicate fabrics hanging before him, but Nolan's mind wanders again.

He does not tell Emily.

He never intended on telling her he went to see Victoria, but he especially doesn't tell her about the thing Victoria said. Specifically, about Emily's dad visiting her.

He doesn't tell Emily because it's preposterous and there'd be no point in raising her hopes—or crushing them, he's not even sure—at a delicate time like this.

He also doesn't tell her that hacking into Clairmont Psychiatric's visitors logs revealed that a visitor pass was issued to a Kurt Renner two weeks ago and that he was with Victoria Grayson for nearly an hour.

Nolan needs more info before he can ever bring this up to Emily. She can't know. He's protecting her; he's convinced himself that keeping this from her is his way of protecting her. But in the back of his mind he also knows that keeping this from her may be unforgivable.

Could David really be alive?

"That sales girl keeps looking at me."

Nolan looks at the sales girl at the other side of the store. It's true, she has been eyeing Emily since she walked in. And now she's making her way over. Splendid.

"Are you finding everything okay?" the sales girl says.

Nolan is itching to tell her that no, they are not finding everything okay. That maternity clothes are not as fashionable or cute as he thought they would be and could she please go to the back and find something more suitable, but Emily only says, "Yes, thank you."

"Well, if you need anything, I'm Shelly." The sales girl says. She lingers. She speaks again. "You're Emily Thorne, aren't you?"

Emily stops perusing the racks, scrunches an eyebrow ever so slightly. "Yes?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about everything that's happened."

"Excuse me?" Emily says.

"Your ex-husband left you pregnant and now he's in jail for killing that poor girl. It's all so horrible."

"Shelly is it?" Nolan says, stepping in front of her, between her and Emily. "It would be so helpful if you could actually go back to where you were standing over there and let us continue shopping in peace. Thank you _so_ much."

"Oh," Shelly says. "Of course."

She scurries off and Nolan spins on the heels of his feet, to face Emily again, rolling his eyes and smiling like, _can you believe some people_?

"Is that what they're saying about me?" Emily asks.

They were saying a lot worse about her and Daniel Grayson's supposed love child. But Nolan won't tell her that. "You are the premiere socialite of the Hamptons, Ems. And the most interesting person this side of Long Island. There is some interest about your… situation."

"I can't believe I let you talk me into going out." He was glad to see she didn't sound mad, though. She was taking the tabloid fodder the way she always had, like it was a mere nuisance, nothing more.

"I can't believe you decided to stay in the Hamptons. Honestly Ems, after everything that's happened I thought you would have left this place behind a long time ago."

Emily sighs. "I thought so too," she says. "But Aiden's connected to the house now. And so is my father. Despite everything, that house has more good memories than bad."

Nolan nods, he understands, but his mind wanders again. He wonders if those fond memories of her father will change after she learns that he might be alive.

He has to do more research. He can't let her know. Not yet.

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	5. Chapter 5

For a time after the night that Aiden died—after the morning when Emily cried, lying on her bed while Nolan sat there watching—Nolan didn't see her cry anymore.

Those first few days were filled with a steely rage inside of her that Nolan had never seen before. He was worried about her, about what she'd do. But a part of him was also glad that at least she hadn't gone catatonic with grief. Like the strong Emily Thorne he knew she was, she'd given herself a brief moment to let her emotions out and then she was back; angrier, but focused on new objectives (keeping Victoria locked up, saving Jack, being instrumental in putting Daniel away.) At least she wasn't a puddle on the floor that he couldn't recognize.

And then one day, she was.

Three weeks after Aiden's death Nolan came to Emily's house and found her crumpled on the floor, in front of her fireplace. He didn't know how long she'd been crying, but her tears seemed endless, with no beginning to them and no end. He'd never seen her weeping like this and it scared him, the force of it. It was like the tears were stronger than any part of her had ever been. He tried to do something, tried to gather her up, push her hair back from her wet face, from her mouth, torn open in a silent sob. In the end all he could do was put his arms around her, lay his head on her heaving shoulder and cry with her.

It was a while before he even saw the thing trapped in her tight fist. A white stick with a plus sign on it, and it hit him that Emily wasn't just crying for Aiden but for something much bigger.

That night broke Nolan's heart in ways he couldn't even quantify and he vowed he'd do everything in his power to make sure Emily never felt that distraught again.

Now he stands in the woods in the Berkshires, hidden by trees, and he watches David Clarke pile wood in front of his cabin. He is frozen in his place with shock, and with the decision he has to make.

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It's still not easy to fall asleep. She still thinks of him. Emily thinks of Aiden all the time, but her memories seem to be the most vivid as soon as her head hits the pillow.

Her mind wanders back to Japan, to a time when she'd just started seeing Aiden, and when she was very angry with him.

She remembers the way he was sitting in her room, on the bed on the floor, one leg laid out like a plank before him, one crossed under him, his shoulders hunched. He actually looked pretty relaxed, which infuriated her because she couldn't stop pacing.

"You seem angry," he'd said. His eyebrows were scrunched, but she swore she saw his tongue poking his cheek, like he was trying to stop from smiling. Like this was some huge joke. "You can't be angry at me for this."

She stopped pacing, her hands falling to her sides. "Of course I can."

He'd only been in Japan a few months and already he was disrupting her life. Not only because it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on training whenever he was around, or because she'd had to find creative ways to sneak away with him so that Takeda wouldn't find out of his star pupil's clandestine dalliances, and not only because she'd fallen for him, hard, but because now she had this to deal with. Something that could put a stop to all of her hard work thus far.

So yes, she could look at him, sitting all relaxed, and she could be angry at him. She could love him and hate him at the same time.

Though she was as much to blame for this as he was. Condoms weren't exactly the easiest things to get in the snowy mountains of Japan, isolated from the rest of the world while training for your mission of revenge. And now it was the one thing she wished she'd thought to bring with her back from New York.

"Would it really be so bad?" Aiden said. "If you do turn out to be pregnant?"

"It would change my life."

"Children tend to that."

"This isn't a joke, Aiden."

"I know," he said. He stood up, and finally he looked a bit more serious. "I'll take care of you."

"I hardly know you."

It was true. Even if it was a pretty cold thing to say, given the circumstances. But Aiden only shrugged, untouched by the comment. "You'll get to know me," he said, taking a few steps toward her. "I promise you I can be a good father."

"How do you know?" she asked.

"Because when your childhood is ripped away from you, all you want is a second chance to get it right with your own children. That's how I know you'll be a good mother too."

After that she wasn't so angry with him anymore. After that, a day or so later, she found out she wasn't pregnant. She was relieved, and Aiden was supportive, but she could tell he was a little let down. After that, impossibly, she fell even harder for him.

It's just as Emily's remembering that time when she feels a kick. Not just a flutter, or a shadow of movement, but a real kick. The first real kick. She holds her stomach and her breath, and she is amazed at the feeling.

The doorbell rings, and though she is surprised that he's here so late she instantly knows it's Nolan at the door. She gets out, suddenly awake in every possible way.

"You're not going to believe what I just felt," she says as soon as she opens the door. She goes to reach for his hand so that he can feel it too, but then stops when she sees the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I have to tell you."


	6. Chapter 6

Nolan keeps his eye on the road, but sneaks furtive glances at Emily. She sits in the passenger seat, her head against the window glass. The fractured light from between the trees they pass bounces off her face and she does not say anything. He wonders what she is thinking.

The night before, when Nolan told her that he'd seen David Clarke, very much alive, she didn't believe him. And then when she finally did, she had to sit down. Nolan could see her mind working, the way her eyes widened and then narrowed, her eyebrows knit together, her cheeks twitched. She didn't ask the questions he'd expected ("How?" "Why?" "_What_?") only after a long while did she say, "Did you talk to him?"

Nolan shook his head. "I didn't want to do anything until I told you first."

"Take me to him."

"Right now?"

"Yes," she said.

"Ems, it's late. And you need your sleep."

She'd eventually conceded the argument, though Nolan didn't think she'd gotten any sleep. How could she have?

He glances at her now and every time he does he feels like he's spying on her. The last time he felt that way was one night when he'd heard her voice in his house. He didn't know she was there, and was on his way to her but he stopped when he saw that she was with Aiden. Obviously, she was with him—who else would she have been talking to?—but there was something about the way the two were talking that made Nolan stop at the threshold and make sure they didn't see him. They were just sitting on the couch, drinking beers. Nolan didn't think he'd ever seen Emily really drink a beer before. There was something about how loose and comfortable Aiden and Emily were with each other—with their body language, with the way they were saying whatever it was that they were saying—and the way their eyes were laser focused on each other. They were smirking, in their own world. Nolan stopped spying and went back to his room.

Now he spots the cabin a little farther away, points to it. "That's it," he says. "Where do you want to stop the car?"

"Park it right in front," Emily says.

"He won't come out if he sees a car at his doorstep. He won't even open the door."

"Then we'll wait for him to come to us."

Nolan drives until they're right in front of the cabin, then cuts the engine. "What are you going to say to him, Ems?"

"I don't know."

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It's half an hour before either of them speaks, and Emily is surprised it's taken Nolan that long.

"Maybe he isn't home," he says. "Maybe we should go."

"And maybe I should've done this myself."

Nolan doesn't take that too well, she can tell. She sighs. "I'm sorry. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here for as long as it takes."

"I shouldn't have told you," Nolan says. "This is stressing you out. This isn't healthy—"

"Nolan. I'm staying."

"You don't even have a plan."

"I don't—" But her words are stuck in her throat. David Clarke slams through the screen door and marches right toward the car. She knows instantly that it's him. Except for the hair—a buzzcut now—he looks exactly the same. She is seeing her father back from the dead and it has appropriately frozen Emily in shock. But she only lets the shock have her for a moment because then she's out. She opens the door before Nolan can even say anything.

David stops in his tracks when he sees her. He's frozen too, and Emily realizes she's gained the advantage. Though, she doesn't know what for or how she'll use it. All she can really do is look at him. And he sees her. He is silent and shocked because he recognizes her, she is sure of it.

But then Nolan steps out of the car and breaks the spell.

"Nolan," David says. But Nolan might as well not even be there because David turns back to Emily, and the recognition is so clear on his face.

Emily takes a step towards him, partly just to test out that her knees still work, and partly because she's compelled to draw closer to him. It's strange, the feelings fighting within her. She wants to both run into his arms and push him away. She finds her voice. It's low and unsteady, but she finds it. "Do you know who I am?" she says.

"You're Emily Thorne," David says. "You were friends with Amanda."

_No. _Suddenly there's pain, an ache deep in her heart._ I'm_ _Amanda_, she wants to shout out. Doesn't he recognize her? Wouldn't he recognize his own daughter?

And then a strange thought worms its way into her mind and she can't let it go no matter how much she wants to. _Is he lying?_

Because why does he look just as distraught at seeing her as she feels right now? And if he knows who Emily Thorne is that means he's aware of a lot more than Emily thought.

"What are you doing here?" David asks.

Emily ignores the questions. "Why didn't you come and find her while she was still alive?"

If he wants to play then Emily will too.

David takes a step back, and everything about him is suddenly guarded. "I'd really rather not talk about this."

"I need to know."

And this guarded, lying David Clarke seems to give in easy, or maybe he just sees that Emily will not back down. "I didn't want to complicate her life."

She wants to laugh. "She could've handled it."

"I'm not the man she thought I was. In her mind I died a good person. I didn't want to tarnish that image for her."

That ache in her heart, it's just getting bigger. Nolan must sense it because he rounds the car and comes to stand beside her, reaches out to put his hand on her arm, but Emily shrugs it off.

This was not how it was supposed to go.

"I know what Amanda would say if she were here," Emily says. "She would say everything she ever did her whole life was for you." David looks at her curiously, that bead of recognition never leaving his eyes, perhaps, in fact, getting stronger. "And it wasn't worth it."

"I'm sorry," David says. It's not clear if it's for Amanda, for Emily's loss, or, in a veiled way, if it's for Emily herself. Either way, Emily is getting really sick of that word. She turns, heads for the passenger side door.

"Wait!" David Clarke says.

Emily waits. Because she wants him to say something, anything to make this first meeting turn out different, better. Anything for him to admit that he really does know who she is; that he's not still hiding from her. That he is the good man that she remembers him as.

"You're pregnant," he says dumbly.

It's such an unexpected thing to hear him say that Emily turns around again to face him. She puts her hand on her belly, feeling suddenly possessive of what's inside, maybe for the first time.

"My baby's father died trying to exonerate you."

A beat, and then she and Nolan are back in the car, driving far away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry this chapter took so long to post, but reading your comments again riled me up to keep going. Thanks for reading!**

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The ride home is silent but filled with a coiled energy, ready to explode. Nolan can feel it, though he won't pry. He has to let her process it in her own time. But he keeps his eyes on her almost as much as on the road. They get back to the Hamptons, they walk up the porch steps of the beach house, they make it inside, and Nolan still keeps his eyes on her. He's waiting for her to break.

"Thank you for taking me," she says.

That's it? "Ems…"

"Don't look at me like that, Nolan. I'm fine."

"You've just seen your father for the first time in 20 years after thinking he was dead. I don't think _fine_ is the word you were looking for."

She sighs but she is restless, her eyes roaming the room, searching for a place to settle but finding none. Though she isn't saying much, Nolan can see the way this is affecting her. He can see it in her hands. (She brings one to her lips for a moment, but a moment's enough for him to see that it's shaking.) Nolan regrets telling Emily about David. And he especially regrets taking her to see him. It's too much stress for her, and her baby. She is so big and so vulnerable.

"Ems, talk to me."

"What do you want me to tell you?" Emily snaps. "That I'm so happy my father is alive? That it's fine that he's been living two hours away this whole time? That I forgive him for looking into my eyes and not recognizing his own daughter?"

The break he's been waiting for. He understands why she's mad. Nolan even understands why she's taking it out on him.

"I know," he says. It's all he can say. "I know."

"Everything I've ever done—my entire life—has been for nothing," Emily says. "Aiden died for nothing."

"You can't think like that."

Emily shrugs. "It's true isn't?"

"You never would've met Aiden if it wasn't for what happened with your father."

She closes her eyes, suddenly looking so tired. "You shouldn't have told me that David was alive." She opens her eyes, levels Nolan with a steady, accusatory stare.

"Ems, I'm sorry."

"I should get some rest."

He knows she's right, she should rest, but he hates leaving her like this. She's angry with him, and she's upset. "I can stay," he offers.

She shakes her head. "Thank you, Nolan. But I want to be alone."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine," she says. She is distracted. He isn't going to get anything out of her, not tonight at least.

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Of course, Emily can't sleep. Not for lack of trying, though. She wants to sleep very badly. She wants to see Aiden. But anytime her eyelids fall shut all she sees is his face—pale, eyes forever open, dead—sitting on the couch. And her heart breaks.

Her heart's been breaking for so long. It broke when she was a little girl, far too young for anybody's heart to break. And it broke again when Aiden died. And just as she thought her heart was finally starting to mend, tonight it broke even more. The second she saw her father alive she could feel a tear, as painful and real as a fractured bone. The second he looked at her and called her Emily Thorne—not Amanda—her heart broke clean in half.

She can feel it, clear as anything, this new ache in her chest. She wonders if her baby can feel it too. It's kicking up a storm. She sits on her bed and places a hand over stomach, a futile attempt to soothe it. Futile because she can't even soothe herself.

The irony is that for the longest time all Emily ever wanted was for her dad to come back. And now that he has she can't help but feel that the wrong man has come back into her life. She'd trade her dad for Aiden in a second. And thinking that only makes her heart break more.

Her baby kicks and her mind races and she doesn't even know what she's suddenly crying about but there's enough to cry about so she does.

Eventually she's too mentally and emotionally exhausted and her body gives in, forces her to sleep, but the sleep that comes isn't peaceful.

She longed for dreams of Aiden and she gets them, but they aren't good dreams. They're nightmares. She sees him dying over and over again and there is nothing she can do to stop it from happening. She feels the pain of his death like it was just yesterday and when she wakes with a start in the middle of the night, twisted in her sheets and damp, she feels a new kind of pain, deep within. She clutches her stomach and cries out.

Emily reaches for her phone. "I need your help," she says.


	8. Chapter 8

**A big huge thanks for your wonderful comments. **

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The news was not good. The letter clutched in his hands; word from Takeda that their one lead on the whereabouts of Aiden's sister has steered them in the wrong direction, yet again. They were back to square one. Aiden was no closer to finding her. He sat on the edge of the bed, his head hung, his shoulders broad but sagging. Emily draped herself over his bare back, circled her arms around him.

"I'm sorry," she said. She meant it but the words felt empty. Trite, somehow. "We'll find her."

"_We_?"

"You're not alone in this," she whispered. "And you never will be."

He didn't say anything in response, but she knew he was grateful for her words by the way he reached up and pressed her hands against his chest. His sister may still have been lost, but the words were a comfort at least.

She knew they were a comfort because that was how she'd felt when he'd said them to her, years later in the Hamptons. She thought he'd left her, but when he came back he said the perfect thing to make her trust again. Whatever was happening in their lives, they would always be there for each other. That was their promise.

Except now.

When she needs him most.

Nolan stands right beside her but she still feels alone. She'd called him, their fight long forgotten, and Nolan brought her here. Now she's in a sterile bed, IVs, machines and stark white light, and all of it happening so fast.

"I can't do this," Emily says, talking through tears and bad memories of the previous night, nightmares she still can't shake.

"Yes, you can."

Emily holds her belly, the largest it'll ever be, like it'll hold her baby in. There was a time not too long ago where she avoided putting her hand anywhere near her stomach, like if she didn't touch it it meant she didn't have to think about what lied within. Now it's different. Now all she wants to do is protect her baby from the sad world it's about to come into.

Emily isn't sure she is equipped to raise a child. Not after everything she's been through. Not after the way she grew up. Not alone.

"She needs her father," she says. A little girl needs a father. Emily knows this better than anyone.

Nolan, ever calm, smiles down at Emily and strokes her hair. "She already has an amazing mother."

She appreciates his sentiment but it's not enough to stop her tears. "How am I supposed to do this without him?"

Nolan takes Emily's hand and squeezes. "You're not alone in this."

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Hours later a baby is born.

And everything that came before feels forgotten as Nolan watches mother and child. There is no more pain, tears, talk of fathers—lost or resurrected. There is only Emily holding her baby.

The smile Nolan's waited months to see is finally there. He knew it would be. It's better than he remembered. It's beautiful.

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The sun streams through the windows and Emily's eyes flutter open. She inhales deep. Beside her, Aiden smiles and she matches it.

She doesn't move toward him or reach to touch him. She doesn't want to spoil it. All she wants to do is look at his face, every inch of it. Soak it up and keep it. She revels in this moment, however simple. She loves it.

Her eyes flutter open for real this time when she wakes up. She still inhales deep. She still smiles. The only difference is that Aiden isn't there, of course.

Emily is grateful for the nights she dreams of Aiden. The dreams are rarer now, but not altogether gone. He comes to her and this time when she wakes up she's not sad that it's over. She's happy it happened.

No, Aiden's not in bed beside her, but their daughter is. She has a tendency to sneak in there in the middle of the night, kind of ninja-like.

Emily pulls her close.

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**Thanks for reading. **


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